Okay. Here we go. I am about to write my first Blog using the new, carefree, deadline free approach.

As I’m sure most folks have noticed, there is almost nothing on anyone’s mind currently except the virus… and the list of “Don’t Do That’s” circulating. Just reading that list should keep us nestled snug in our beds for the foreseeable future…should we wish to abide by it.

The options? Well, actually, there aren’t many options.

You might go out to dinner or to a movie of course Except that restaurants are closed – and yep, so are the theaters. And Bars! And clubs – and that includes my piano bars!

And most of our favorite stores like Ralph’s and Trader Joe’s etc, are rapidly running out of things we already have a lot of but suddenly feel the need to stock up on, which explains why so many hall closets are stuffed with 48 rolls of toilet paper.

I almost understand the toilet paper…but why are people buying so much bottled water? We don’t have a plumbing problem…at least not yet.

I went to Ralph’s the other day when they opened the doors early for older folk and the handicapped. Admittedly that sentence is redundant…being really old IS a handicap. I got to the store a little late, but the line was fairly short – and impatient. Well, the line wasn’t impatient, but the folks standing in it were (you probably figured that out, but no dangling participle will make its way inadvertently into my blog)

However, I can do a fairly pathetic old lady and the guard at the door let me in. I headed straight for the paper aisle…the one where there should have been, but were not, stacks of toilet paper, paper napkins, paper towels…all that good stuff. Instead there were vacant aisles of aisles.

Next real need…eggs. The aisle was shorter, but just as empty.

However, the one shortage that got my attention, was encouraging…It was the lack of impatience and rudeness that I’d heard folks were enduring during these early days of deprivation. Not once did one of the “older generation” slam into my cart or try to grab a prized item from my hand.

Instead folks taller than me volunteered to get things from the top shelves that I couldn’t reach and once a gentleman offered to let me have the last package of Miso Soup. I didn’t accept, but I was pleased to find out that good manners are NOT dead. One woman who watched me search for some fruit specials mentioned that bananas were running low so I ran over and managed to get a nice bunch in various shades of yellow to green. There were shortages of things I’d come to buy, so I bought a few things that look interesting instead. I ended up with a basket filled with things I hadn’t planned to buy. But that’s a good thing because it will require some thought as to how to plan meals made up of something I never tried before.

I wish I were one of these people who love to knit. Or Sew. Or paint lovely pictures. But I’m not. The only way I would like that is if I could just decide to do it and be marvelous at it. I have no time for a learning curve.

I have been touched and delighted by the number of friends who have called to warn me about – everything.

But mostly about washing my hands. I expect my hands to just fade away if I don’t stop scrubbing them, but it DOES make me feel like I am doing something positive to help me through this mess.

Whoops. Almost forgot the thing that inspired to post this Blog right now. Since I reached this advanced age, I have become accustomed to the idea that I am nobody’s target audience. I’m no looking to paint my nails purple or maybe yellow…I’m not where the designers go when looking for inspiration.

But when it comes to medicine, by god I SHOULD BE part of a huge target.

So. Can anyone explain to me why the powers that be have decided to cap almost all medicine bottles with a little drawing and a message that reads:

PRESS DOWN AND TURN.

Are they kidding me?

I have in my kitchen drawer about five devices that are meant to help open things. They can turn them, or pull them, or bang them on the counter to loosen them. BUT THEY CANNOT PRESS DOWN AND TURN!

Yesterday I found one of those Press Down tops on my salad dressing bottle. I gave it a good try for about 20 minutes. It did not give. But then neither did I. Instead, I pick up the freaking thing and tapped it –okay, I slammed it – on the sink.

Unfortunately, the bottle was made of glass and it finally gave up the fight. There was salad dressing all over my little home and my littler dog – who objected loudly. I must admit, all the self control I had left went flying too…along with a bit of blood from my hard working, but very clean hands.

As for the bottle cap…it remained in place. It was still attached to the top of the bottle, touting its message:

Push down and turn.

I plan on sending out a warning: if I ever find the guys who came up with that cursed cap, I plan to sentence them to life in a factory, trying to open bottles.The rest of what I would like to do to them is highly illegal so I won’t write it here.