When I first retired from the world of busy (i.e. employed) people, it was with the idea that I would then get to do all kinds of exiting things with my fellow elders.
Wrong! Elders, it seemed, weren’t planning on doing too many exciting things. Rather I was offered a very pastel palette from which to pick my pleasure.
A Book Club perhaps? Sounded fascinating. What I signed up for was some of the classics I was never smart enough to appreciate when I was first pressured to read them.
What I got ws a list of ROMANCE NOVELS.
Now I don’t want to rain on anyone’s book list, but really? Romance novels?
I tried writing for a publisher once who, on the basis of god knows what, believed I could write those. So he sent me a batch of rules.
1: Virgin meets mysterious pirate. By page 7.
2; Virgin fears him and when he grabs her in his arm she pounds fruitlessly on his strong chest, while he grins devilishly at her. By Page 21
I stopped reading, suggested two other themes. Got turned down. Never tried again. My explanation for this arrogance? My experience with pirates was too limited.
The next exciting idea was a monthly afternoon tea. Well, that sounded just great. I love all those wonderful little treats and the pretty flowered dishes with mismatched tea pots. As the newbie, my hostess said, I was to be served first. And, with a very big flurry, two of my fellow guests arrived at her side. One held a bottle of white wine, the other red.There was a great deal of hilarity as I just sat there, confused. It seems that calling it a tea gave it some acceptability, but the members didn’t ask just anyone…only jolly folk like me.
Okay, let me admit right now that I enjoy an afternoon of happy wining – even without the dining. But what no one thought to fill me in on was that there was a one drink minimum. AND maximum. You got one drink. Surprisingly, it was more than enough for most and too much for some. However, once I tasted the wine I began to see the logic in the limit.
Okay, let’s scratch that from the list.
Actually I gave up on group activities until I ran into Piano Bars and singers who weren’t doing Karaoke or reading the lyrics from their phones.
But then, just a couple of weeks ago, I read my horoscope! And I quote:
“Seductive and glamorous propositions abound.” Which was followed by a dire warning to beware!
“Hot damn I thought, “This old girl has still got it.”
Luckily I kept the thought to myself.
But I still gave it a try. I picked up on two unforgettable offers. The first came from an elderly gentleman who thought I would really love spending the evening at a nearby gambling club. When I pointed out that I hate gambling. I always lose, and I throw up when I get nervous He insisted, I didn’t have to gamble he said…I COULD JUST WATCH HIM!
Some how I managed to resist.
But wait! There’s more!
Two evenings later, I accepted an invitation to meet a friend for dinner.
Now understand me. I’ve known this guy for 40 years. We are long-term friends. This is someone you don’t have to be on your best behavior with – (Okay, I know I should have said –with whom you need to be – but I didn’t so sue me.)
We’ve been reading our menu right? So when I look up I take of my reading glasses because everything gets blurry if I don’t.
Then, all of a sudden, James clutches my hand, the one with the glasses in it, smiles tenderly at me and says, “Betty, you don’t have to take off your glasses every time you look at me. I know you want to look beautiful for me bu…”
I didn’t wait for the rest. I jumped up and headed for the door. Judging from the clinking and clashing behind me I just might have up ended the wine bottle AND the glasses.
I didn’t wait to find out!
Oh in case you are wondering how I got home, That was romantic and seductive too.
I called LYFT.
Sympathy never smelled so sweet!
Beautiful flower arrangement from Danny and Amy when they heard I was down with the flu.